No words can best describe my feeling now,
Im distress wit ppl around me,
Feeling so much more in grief and sorrow,
Im losing faith to survive.

I find myself living for ppl rather than living for myself,
Why am I doing so.??
If I am to be myself,
Then I’ll be so much more aggressive than u'll ever see..

Im juz trying to be good,
A lil more understanding,
But am I stupid?
Hence ppl are taking advantage over me?

A simple word can touch ppl,
But a simple word can hurt ppl so deeply as well..

So why am I tearing.?
For ppl who’s brainless,
For ppl who never take up her responsibility,
For ppl who don’t appreciate me at all,
and
For ppl who’s being so rude and harsh to me.

Im not expecting for any return,
Im juz tired,
Contributing to everyone.

Please,
Leave me alone.

Things that happened, are beyond description.

Every single matter that takes place btw dearie and me are completely unforgettable..

Neither good nor dreadful incidents that haunted us on our dates are leaving us a greater remembrance, turning our life so much more remarkable..

After today, i realize that whenever im in trouble, dearie will be there for me to settle everything without wanting me to be ill in pain or sorrow..

He's the only angel that im able to see in the heaven..

Im gna prove it with actions that I truly appreciate him in my life..

Thank you dearie for being with me all the time..

LOVES

What came across my mind was only a word. Appreciate.

I clearly know that ppl may not appreciate until they lose it one day..but i juz have no idea why Ive such intention to leave my home..i juz dun understand why im the one who’s fulfilling the needs of everyone yet no one can satisfy me..what I need is juz a more considerate and thoughtful siblings..

I know I should feel grateful rather than complaining so much as Ive a complete family, being blessed by dad n mom..

Im brought to a secret place,
A sweet escape.

Away from my house,
Spending the night with beloved dearie,
Be seated on a ceramic bench,
Sharing our true hearts,
And we’d talk about everything.

With our eyes closed,
Listening to the waves,
With the strong wind blowing us
without feeling cold,
As passionate love warms us up.

With our hands holding,
Staring at the moon hanging high in the dark sky
which brighten up the beach,
Showing us a clear pathway,
Telling us there is a way of getting out from the darkness.

Without any stars,
The night was abit gloomy,
Yet the view remains adoring,
Because of the existence of our love.

Im hiding in dear’s arm whole night long,
With a broad shoulder to lean,
Under his protection plus concern,
I found a place for me to rely on.

Thank you dearie,
For spending hard times in my life,
Trying to make me happy,
Wiping away my tears whenever im sad or blue,
Cherish my life with whole lots of fun.

A billion of thank you to dearie,
For laughing with me to enlighten another’s distress,
For crying with me to understand true happiness.

If I could spend my life with you,
I’ll treasure each minute that we’re together,
Without a single word,
You should know how blissful I am.

LOVES

My brother and i, used to play so muc las time, had fun bullying each other, pillow talk b4 we slumber, we had our mask together, we eat together n do everything together..i used to ask my mom where is bro everytime when i get home..

Bro isnt like a normal ppl, he's unwell, he nids extra care, he undergoes kinds of treatments, dealing with machines since last year..n thus he deserves extra love from me..but he didnt know how to take care of himself, while everyone is so concern over him, investing large amount of cash to heal him, in the other way round, he's destroying himself, without any heart of appreciative over his life, without feeling thankful to anyone..he choose to leave every of my kindness and compassion out of his mind especially those days when he was hospitalized..today, he breaks my heart so deeply..

Im getting myself so hurtful and upset for a person who doesnt appreciate my anxiety n concern at all..for so many posts b4 this, I used to say how much i love my bro, but NOW, that will never come out from my lips or hearts anymore..

He shifted himself away from me, changing from a truly loving character to a hatred feelings toward me now perhaps..ive been sleeping beside him since he was in standard 1, for 8years, n now for a lil dispute, he moves to the nex room..he ignores me, n not even a word btw us now, we are so completely lik a stranger..i reli hav no idea how to resolve this dispute, however, im not in the wrong position..im juz heartbreaking for his immature thinking n ways of doing..Frens, plz don’t ask me anything about my bro, i no longer want to draw a topic on him..

I don’t know how long this dispute gna carry on, but my patient is running thin, feeling so lifeless, staying at home with some1 who u love so much that hates u..perhaps I shall juz get myself involve in more eventful days.. n maybe I shall move to dearie’s house, he suggested..yipee..^^wink

Well, no matter how miserable is your life, still, u have to carry on strongly..

i went to alamanda putrajaya that day alone, coz home is no longer my place rite after my class..shopping alone can be fun as well..

after all sad stories, i would like to dedicate a song to everyone here..
the time of my life by David Cook..
enjoy my mini music box,
and
lets sing together~~

I think there is a need for me to mark our date as one of the history of my life..

8^th of June year 2008, journey began at 10am and ended around 10pm, trip of the day is Zoo Negara, fee per person is rm15..its so wonderful to spend half of a day with the one u love most..Well, I guess the first expression everyone has is what’s so nice in zoo, never see animals b4 meh.?then zoo sounds like a place where oni kids will love to pay a visit..

Fine, u wouldn’t believe that ive a brilliant date in zoo with dearie..not childish at all, but it reminds me abit about my childhood, used to go zoo when I was a kid..i get to see every animal there, and the best part is we managed to catch the multi animals show, that was reli great man..its abit tiring following the path to visit the house of each animal, n extremely sweaty, causing us very sticky then..but still, sticky body never stop us from discovering the zoo..

lets hav a look at the sad-est n moody-est animal in the zoo..

after zoo, we went for drinks in old town to kill our time, waiting patiently for dinner..lol..

yeah..dinner time..korean delight..

CHEERS~~~

Currently, my mood is not in the state of doing assignment, it sounds a lil strange for me to kick off assignments by 2^nd week of the sem, my brains remain fresh and clean for studies..

Sometimes i reli dislike to be so mean or to betray him, but if im not the one who hurts u, then i’ll be hurting myself deeply.. he is so freaking "brainless", he has a dead brain which couldnt function anymore..he didn’t know that im doin this juz because im loving him so much, he didn’t know every1 is worrying him so much..no one knows how close we get along every single day n when things turn out this way, no one wil know how despair am i..

I love him so much partly becoz the existence of his illness,
But due to the existence of his illness, I tend to hate him very much.

There are billion of matters just take me down to the bottom of my heart..

I was actually quite bothered with certain things..additionally with the news of fuel increase, im so totally in downward spiral..losing strength to study, lets get a day to rest in peace..

Yesterday (31st of may) was mom’s birthday, didn’t arrange a huge celebration but rather a simple wan, bought her a bouquet of roses, a cake plus a handmade card, hope she do noticed our sincerity coz lately she’s quite upset over us..she mumbles a lot, telling me how much she actually loves us but we never appreciate n all..perhaps im gna be like her one day in the future, nagging my kids..swt..

she's a joker at times, see the way she pose up there..swt..
she loves me, n i do love her forever..

Results released yesterday, altho tis time isn’t the best result I ever obtain in uni, but Im very satisfied wit it..tis is the return of all my hard works and the effort that ive put in along tis..congrates to munyee, she obtained straight A’s tis time, truly amazing**SALUTE, I knw her secrets of getting straight A’s, consume choki-choki,rocky n coffee to stay up late, creating billions of formulae like those u can see in chemistry, n most importantly she has a best fren like ME ..haha..correct anot??munyee, plz be my tutor, mentor, coach, instructor, and professor..hahaha..we will never stop here, but we wil move on harder than we’re currently doing..my aim now is to get myself into 1^st class, im stil slightly behind, hoping I can achieve better in the 3 coming semester..besides, thx to dearie for supporting me all the way, its proven that his companionship is another great source of motivation..lol..

Well, im feeling kinda relax in my newly open sem..flexible timetable resulting me to lepak in mamak after class..ive ass glued on the chair with the mouth non stop talking for hours..im gna prohibit myself from such unhealthy activity anymore..gna start assignment by nex week, n discussions shud be held soon soon soon..

the winner of last sem..lol..

Accidentally, i cut my fingers today,i was rushing to open the can cover after using the opener, tot im strong enough..smart-ness..
Time to go..
will be bak for some updates soon..